| Katherine Dedyna |
| Times Colonist |
Thursday, August 30, 2007
|
Hoots and hollers echo in the early evening mildness as hot pink and turquoise golf balls ricochet around the woodsy mini-golf course at Mattick's Farm. More than a dozen players, from teenaged to grey-haired, are laughing, catching up on the latest and having -- there's no denying it -- a really good time.
When the round is over, they head for Bill Mattick's Restaurant at Cordova Bay Golf Course to wind down with a beer, worried they're laughing too uproariously.
Well, that's what friends are for. And these friends are here by design -- specifically the design of Rick Bateman, a Victoria human resources executive with a thing about getting people together for fun activities and friendship.
The 90 minutes of golf and hour-long beer break (total cost $10) make up just one more night in the 100-plus outings he has convened in the last year for the Victoria Social Circle he founded: Walks, movies, breakfasts, scavenger hunts, cultural nights.
Barb McDonnell has a big smile that she flashes at five events a month. After a friend told her about the circle, she came and never left. A lot of her friends are focused on their families. A professional organizer, she was tired of taking on that role socially. "Here, I feel I've met my playmates. We're getting really close."
McDonnell also finds it easier to get to know someone while doing something -- not just sitting across a caf table groping for words.
In a 24/7 computerized era marked by web surfing and 100-channel TV, finding old-fashioned companionship can be a challenge. The circle -- which has 30 mostly active members -- is one antidote to the online social world.
Whether or not they're lonely, the fact is that one-third the households in the capital region have only one member.
The circle offers an instant social whirl. In August, it included dinner at the Fin and Grill followed by a walk through Highrock Park, Spider-Man at the Imax theatre, Latin-jazz guitarists at Abkhazi Garden, a picnic at East Sooke Park, breakfast at Vista 18 and a scavenger hunt at the legislature building.
There are about a dozen outings a month, most checked out in advance by Bateman, who stresses that getting together frequently is key to maintaining friendships.
Oak Bay residents Paul and Helga Worsley had looked for years to find people who like to get out before finding this group of activity-minded socializers they join two or three times a month.
"A lot of people are into Second Life -- an avatar online -- and a lot of people don't even have a first life," says Paul, a semi-retired computer consultant.
The circle is not a singles club or a dating club. Couples are more than welcome; baby boomers are predominant and the ratio of women to men is 65 to 35 per cent -- no surprise there.
The lack of friends "doesn't mean you're a loser -- of course not," says University of Victoria sociology professor David Gartrell, who teaches a course in social network analysis. He notes that B.C. has a high rate of in and out migration and that friendships can ebb and flow due to reasons such as moves, jobs and marital breakup.
"People who live alone aren't necessarily socially isolated," he adds. He knows several people who live alone but have extensive personal social networks.
Friendship is "absolutely" a crucial component to a happy life. "There's plenty of research . . . that shows that friendship is a tremendous source of satisfaction. Not only that, it protects your health and your physical well-being and your psychological well-being. It's a tremendous buffer . . . in times of stress and strain. Our personal social circles are what we rely on when we need material help from other people, or emotional help."
Excellent health is reported by 32 per cent of Canadians with more than five close friends, while just 21 per cent of those with fewer friends reported fair or poor health, the 2003 Statistics Canada General Social Survey found.
Being divorced and living alone prompted the 50-something Bateman to take action after finding weekends on his own weren't much fun. Not interested in sports, he didn't want to get involved with an activity just to find companionship -- it often fizzles, he finds. So a year ago he started the circle as a private company he would like to expand to other cities.
Sue Hartlieb, an East Saanich tour director, joined in March to give all kinds of activities a try and meet people from different backgrounds.
She's amazed at how often someone in the circle has just the expertise she's looking for and she likes the casual aspect.
"You never know who's going to show up -- depending on what kind of an event it is," adds Muriel Angus, a government employee.
Angus belongs to outdoor clubs but she looks to the circle for cultural activities. "Even if I kind of disappear for the summer, I know it's a place I can come back to."
Forty-something single mother Karen Basarsky says: "I learn something almost every time I come -- about life, about myself, or Victoria, even though I have lived here 15 years."
